1 ADOPTEE ADOPTIVE MAMA AND 1 ADOPTIVE MAMA COME TOGETHER.
I recently had the special opportunity to ask my sweet friend Sarah 10 questions, that I had already answered myself, about the gift of adoption. She did not know my response to these questions. We answered them separately and right here is where you will see our answers side by side.
Sarah and I have many things in common. The most important thing is that we both have a 15 month old who was placed in our arms by the gift of adoption. The main difference? Sarah was blessed by the gift of adoption long before I was. Adoption gave her a family.
The dictionary's definition of the word Adoption:
Two Adoptive Mama's definition of the act of Adoption:
Adoption is love creating forever family
"she placed her children for adoption because she loved them so very much"
.we ultimately agree that we 100% recommend adoption to other families.
1) What role has the gift of adoption played in your life?
S: Adoption has been everything to me, without adoption I wouldn’t have a family. Without adoption I wouldn’t have any idea what love is and what the power of love can truly do. Also without adoption I wouldn’t be a mom.
C: The gift of adoption has filled my heart with hope, peace, courage and love. Without adoption I likely would not be a mother and I have witnessed that more children would be without forever families.
2) What does the phrase, "Love Makes A Family" mean to you?
S: I love this phrase because it proves that love can move mountains.
C: Unconditionally loving one another creates family.
3) Why did you choose to grow your family with adoption?
S.I was adopted and we always wanted to grow our family through adoption.
C.Ever since I was a young girl I always knew that I would likely need help getting pregnant. There are many routes one can go when faced with this reality. Instead of pursuing infertility treatment we pursued the gift of adoption.
4) If adoption was not present in your life, what do you think would be different about your life today?
S: As an adoptee I would be living a completely different life and not nearly be the woman I am today.
And I wouldn’t be a mother if adoption wasn’t present in my life.
C: I would likely not be blessed by motherhood nor experiencing parenthood with my spouse.
5) How old was your child when they were placed in your arms and how old are they now?
S: 3 days old, she’s now 15 months old.
C: Our son was 6 hours old when he was placed in our arms. He is now 15 months old.
6) What are some of the feelings that you have for your child's birth family?
S: We love them very dearly and can’t thank them enough for giving us the biggest blessing ever
C: We feel a strong connection with our sons birth family simply because we do have a connection. We all are so in love with my son. We love them so much.
7) Will your child know that they are adopted? Is so, why?
S:OF COURSE! That isn’t something we will ever hide from our child.
C: Our children will always know that they are adopted because it is a part of their story. It is not our job to take that away from them.
8) How do you plan to tell your child that they are adopted?
S: We talk about her story often to her, there will be no sit down and telling our daughter she’s adopted. She will always know.
C: Even though our first born is still so young we already talk about his story to him. We also incorporate adoption children's books into story time and sing adoption songs to him that I wrote. He will just always know by us creatively incorporating the story into our daily life.
9) How long, from start to finish, was your adoption wait?
S: Technically we didn’t have a “waiting period” From the time we found out about my daughter on July 7th to the day she was born November 1st. You could call that our waiting period
C: We started the adoption process in 2015 and had to put the process on hold. We started the process back up again during the Spring of 2016 and our son was placed in our arms during the month of October the same year. For our second adoption we have been actively searching for our child since October 2017 and are still actively waiting. The wait is entirely worth it.
10) Would you recommend adoption to other families?
S: 100% Absolutely!
C: We would 100% recommend adoption to families, yes!
Do YOU agree with us too? Comment below.
We hope this brings peace and love to many others considering this beautiful gift.
With love from our families to yours,
Sarah and Chelsea
may this give strength to another family facing a road block. you are not alone.
As you sit on the couch and drink your coffee you can't help but think of your husband. He is off getting his 10th CT scan with contrast by the nearest hospital. The routine scans started at the very beginning of 2015 when he was first diagnosed with cancer to check for any malignant cells. They continued after surgery as a surveillance monitoring effort. You remember when he was going in to have the tumor removed and then when he graduated to being post operative. That seemed like a big undertaking and you did it together. To every 3 months and then from every 3 months to 6 months. Then only 1 year ago graduating to being on annual surveillance scans.
"we will see you back in another year."
This is it. The scan is happening at this very moment. This is the longest he has gone without a scan as a son, brother, husband, father and friend living with a recent diagnosis of the scary word- cancer.
This statement from your husband's doctor keeps playing over and over again in your head, "We need to monitor him for 3 years. With his diagnosis, until we hit that 3 year mark he is not cancer free." You're doing the best that you can. Doing everything that you can to think positively and trusting in the Lord. So what is it that scares you? Is it the new road that you might be routed down?
Life is full of wrong turns and Y's in the roads. Remember when he received his cancer diagnosis in 2015? That was a Y in the road with a road block in one direction. Your family was forced to move forward on the road to recovery.
Look at how far you have come.
You will hear the results later this week at his follow up appointment. No matter where this road in life takes you remember that you have been given the gift of each other. You are his person and he is your person. You will walk through any unexpected circumstance with strength and unity. You will not be consumed by the questions and statements that are trying to fill your thoughts. For this is 'Scanxiety'
Dictionary Definition: Scanxiety (n) “scan zi et ee”: Anxiety and worry that accompanies the period of time before undergoing or receiving the results of a medical examination (such as MRI or CT scan).
you will trust in the lord with all of your heart.
Keep being brave and loving well. Have a little faith for this road is full of brighter days to come.
5 1/2 years of my life has been spent being blessed by the gift of marriage.
for over 5 of those years we have not had cable television! "how?" you ask?
Aside from believing that 'reality' television and the news stations fill our heads with negativity and unrealistic expectations. Which in turn cause distractions and stress in life, we simply cannot afford the cost of cable.
"Chelsea, wait! You guys can afford a 2013 truck, adoption related expenses, going out with friends or family, donating to church, healthy foods but you can't afford cable?" yes!!!!!!!!!
When we say that we cannot afford something it means the cost is not within our budget. We have created a budget for our family that is built around our priorities. Our priorities are focused around our morals and our goals. There is simply not room for the high cost of cable television. Having a safe, reliable vehicle that fits our family and our adventures was a must. Growing our family through the gift of adoption is something we felt and feel strongly to continue to do. Spending quality time with our friends and family is so important to us and sometimes that means doing activities that require expense. We donate to our church because it is a place that we want to give back to. Trying to eat healthy food is important for my entire families health and well-being.
"Alright, so what do you do instead?"
We purchased a flat screen smart TV on Amazon Prime Day for a one time fee of $100.00. We watch TV shows and movies through things like Netflix and Amazon. Basic Netflix is currently around $7.99 per month and Amazon Prime is a one time annual fee of $99.00.
"Ok Chels, so do you pay for internet to stream these things?" Yes but it is not your traditional home WIFI through your cable company. Here is what we do. My husband and I both have cell phones on one bundle plan. For an extra $10.00 per month we pay for a hot spot device that our smart TV easily connects to. This same device is what also connected me to the internet on my computer and aloud me to generate this blog post for you.
wifi $10.00/month x 12 Months = $120.00
During the month of October in 2016 we were blessed by the gift of adoption. Our son was born and placed in our arms by the most loving, brave, selfless woman. This is his birth mother who we love and will always love so much.
A question that I often get asked,
"I am considering adoption. Where do I start?"
PUT ASIDE ANYTHING NEGATIVE THAT YOU HAVE HEARD
"Adoption cost so much money!"
"My friend adopted. The process took them 7 years!"
"Billy's neighbor was trying to adopt but the child went back to their birth family."
"It must be so hard to bond with a child that you did not birth."
"Only older kids, sibling groups and children with disabilities are able to be adopted."
DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH
There are a number of different programs that you can use and which one you choose will depend on your families preferences.
We chose the Domestic Infant Adoption Program because our hearts felt called to adopt an infant from the U.S. From there we explored what organizations offered this type of program in our area.
This required a lot of community outreach. We did everything from Google searches to seeking out other families in our community that have adopted. We started learning the pros and cons to using adoption consultants, adoption agencies, state adoption services, etc. We went to information meetings, read reviews and asked any questions that came to mind. I would strongly encourage you to do the same. Ultimately your hearts will lead your family to the best fit. For us, we ultimately chose an adoption agency.
NOW WE KNOW BUT HOW WILL IT BE POSSIBLE?
You've decided on a program and you cannot wait to get started! Your anxious to get going but pressed with anxiety at the same time because the fee schedule along with the home-study requirements are staring back at you in the face. I have news for you. You are not on a timeline and as long as you keep pushing forward it will happen. You will eventually be an active family waiting for your precious little one to be placed in your arms. Try not to look at everything as one lump sum. The to do list and the fee schedule that is. Break it down and tackle it little by little. This is a journey up hill. I have a lot of friends who have done fundraising for their family's adoption. What people often find out once they start sharing their journey is that their friends and family want to support them. I have seen t-shirt, Etsy shop, puzzle piece, garage and bake sale fundraisers. Many adoption grants are available too!
BONDING AFTER PLACEMENT
Love makes any family one unit and love is what builds togetherness, a worthwhile adventure. I have been my sons mother ever since the moment he was placed in my arms. My husband has been his father just the same. We are his parents and he is our son. We were in love with him before we ever met him. Our relationship has always been so natural. All we have needed and continue to need is unconditional love.
Most of all find joy in the start of the journey!
It's easy to get caught up in the cost and hoops you have to jump through. You can easily lose focus on why you're on this adventure.